French President Emmanuel Macron and Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney signed a historic pact on Sunday to deepen bilateral cooperation across space, defense, and democratic values. The sweeping strategic partnership will ensure the French republic can live exactly as it chooses, provided Canada immediately loads millions of barrels of fossil fuels onto eastbound tankers to offset Middle Eastern supply disruptions.
The diplomatic summit, billed by the Elysée Palace as a profound alignment of Western ideals, rapidly translated into expedited export licenses for Alberta oil sands. As the expanding war in Iran threatens global energy markets, Macron emphasized that nothing represents the shared heritage of the Enlightenment quite like securing a locked-in, multi-year supply of unrefined hydrocarbons at a slight discount to Brent crude.
When the President speaks of our inalienable right to chart our own destiny, he is referring specifically to a winter heating grid that does not rely on the Strait of Hormuz.
Prime Minister Carney, leaning heavily on his background in global finance, assured European markets that the Canadian petroleum is fundamentally different from authoritarian oil because it is extracted with deep respect for the rules-based international order. Financial filings released shortly after the joint press conference indicate the two nations will also deepen their "business and space" ties by deploying a new commercial satellite to help Canadian drillers locate un-tapped bitumen reserves.
Shares of Suncor Energy and Canadian Natural Resources climbed sharply in early trading on Monday as institutional investors recognized that the defense of Western civilization carries a highly favorable gross margin.