The Treasury Department has authorized the immediate production of a 45-cent piece to alleviate ongoing circulation bottlenecks across the retail sector. U.S. Mint officials confirmed the new tender is forged exclusively from the dense, heavily repressed guilt of American middle managers, an alloy prized for its limitless domestic supply and extreme physical weight.
The U.S. Mint will begin striking the coins next week at its Philadelphia facility, utilizing raw emotional material extracted directly from performance review cycles at regional logistics firms and mid-sized marketing agencies. Treasury metallurgists noted that the unexpressed anxiety over terminating entry-level employees yields a remarkably hard, cold substance that withstands decades of commercial friction without losing its edge.
For years we relied on zinc and copper, which are subject to global supply chain volatility, but the quiet, agonizing knowledge that you are a redundant layer between labor and capital is a purely renewable domestic resource.
To secure adequate tonnage for the initial rollout, the Federal Reserve has arranged extraction partnerships with human resources departments at Amazon and McKinsey. The harvest protocol involves deploying extraction technicians to capture the precise moment a regional director realizes their quarterly synergy mandate directly caused a localized mental health crisis, an internal reckoning that yields roughly four pounds of usable alloy per executive.
Wall Street analysts responded warmly to the announcement during morning trading. A research note from Goldman Sachs indicated the 45-cent denomination is expected to see rapid retail adoption, as it perfectly covers the exact wholesale cost of the break-room coffee managers purchase for their teams as an apology for canceling a previously approved vacation.