The studio assured investors Tuesday that the domestic release of Alex Gibney's documentary will proceed as planned, noting that the cost of Elon Musk's vengeance in North America has already been factored into fourth-quarter guidance.
Universal Pictures confirmed Tuesday it will release Alex Gibney’s “Musk” documentary domestically next month, assuring investors the studio has fully modeled and priced in the financial impact of the billionaire’s inevitable retaliation.
While the domestic rollout remains on schedule, the studio’s risk-assessment committee has indefinitely paused international distribution. Analysts told shareholders they need more time to accurately quantify the cost of Tesla vehicles autonomously ramming into Universal theme parks, or Starlink satellites mysteriously dropping onto the studio's European distribution offices.
We are entirely committed to sharing Gibney's vital journalism with the world, just as soon as our actuaries determine the exact dollar value of Elon throttling our marketing materials on X while suing our overseas executives into personal bankruptcy.
International dates remain unassigned as the studio consults with foreign regulators about whether "Musk" constitutes a traditional documentary or a direct financial provocation of a man who currently holds major defense and telecommunications contracts in 40 different sovereign nations. In the U.K., distribution partners have reportedly requested a guarantee that the studio will cover all legal fees when Musk inevitably calls the head of the British Board of Film Classification a pedophile on his social media platform.
At the close of trading, Universal parent company Comcast saw shares dip slightly after Musk posted a single, uncaptioned AI-generated photograph of the Universal Studios Hollywood water tower engulfed in flames.