The oil major’s latest SEC disclosure reassured investors that the presumptive Democratic nominee’s aggressive energy plan to destroy the wealthy elite poses no immediate threat to scheduled lease sales in the Permian Basin.
Platner, a Marine Corps veteran and oyster farmer running on a “more Bernie than Bernie” platform, unveiled a sweeping energy plan this week aimed at lowering consumer costs by wresting power from the global fossil fuel industry. While political observers focused on the populist rhetoric of the Maine Senate candidate, compliance teams at Chevron, BP, and Saudi Aramco spent the morning calmly inputting the candidate's campaign promises into their baseline emissions modeling and determining no operational changes were required.
The International Energy Agency’s latest World Energy Outlook similarly excluded Platner’s anti-oligarchy platform from its Stated Policies Scenario. The agency's analysts noted that while the candidate's extensive history of posting highly offensive commentary on internet forums represents a unique theoretical approach to decarbonization, it currently lacks the scalable infrastructure needed to impact the 102 million barrels of crude consumed globally each day.
We have modeled a variety of transition scenarios, including a 1.5-degree pathway where an oyster farmer from Maine calls our board of directors a derogatory name on a message board.
Major ESG funds have also declined to adjust their portfolios in response to Platner's promised crusade against corporate greed. Analysts at BlackRock issued a memo to clients confirming that wresting back control from the rich and powerful historically yields fewer verified emissions reductions than even the most heavily criticized carbon-offset registries operated by Verra.
Platner is expected to continue his rhetorical assault on the fossil fuel industry's unchecked dominance through the November election, concluding his campaign roughly three weeks before the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management finalizes the auction of another 73 million acres of deepwater drilling rights in the Gulf of Mexico.