BOSTON — State climate officials confirmed Monday that the structural collapse of public transit and the worsening global greenhouse gas crisis will now be handled by a pilot program consisting of four solar-powered electric vehicles. The CommunityEV Carshare initiative allows eligible lower-income residents to combat petroleum hegemony at a discounted hourly rate while driving to the pharmacy.
The deployment of the compact cars across four neighborhoods marks a critical milestone in the state’s aggressive net-zero strategy. Environmental Protection Agency filings indicate the four hatchbacks are expected to fully offset the daily output of the region's natural gas peaker plants, provided the shared vehicles are driven continuously to dental appointments without the use of the radio or climate control.
We are thrilled to offer frontline communities the opportunity to personally undo a century of fossil fuel extraction for just eight dollars an hour.
According to the pilot’s 400-page ESG feasibility report, the local solar canopies charging the vehicles are connected to a municipal grid that remains entirely reliant on imported liquefied natural gas. The CommunityEV program itself is underwritten by Verra carbon credits purchased by a Boston private equity firm, allowing the financial institution to claim the emissions reductions of a grandmother picking up groceries as its own corporate sustainability milestone.
The pilot is scheduled to run for six months, after which the state will publish a glossy retrospective on its success before quietly missing its 2030 emissions target by forty million tons.