Right-wing populist party One Nation has formally celebrated its status as the only political organization in Australia completely undefeated by empirical evidence, atmospheric data, and the linear progression of time.
In a triumphant surge in recent polls, Pauline Hanson’s party has leaned heavily into its unique market position: a steadfast refusal to accept the radiative properties of carbon dioxide. The underlying science linking fossil fuel combustion to global temperature increases was first published by Svante Arrhenius in 1896, giving the party a comfortable 128-year window to review the preliminary findings before coming to any hasty conclusions.
While other political factions have gradually incorporated the findings of the IPCC AR6 report and the daily reality of unprecedented Australian weather extremes into their platforms, One Nation has maintained strict message discipline. The party’s literature continues to rely on a robust portfolio of cherry-picked regional temperature anomalies and YouTube links to explain the increasing frequency of catastrophic bushfires and floods.
While our opponents have cowardly surrendered to the overwhelming global consensus and the lived experience of their own voters, we remain steadfastly committed to a fundamental misunderstanding of basic thermodynamics.
The party’s ongoing commitment to questioning whether the planet is getting hotter comes as the Australian Bureau of Meteorology confirms yet another year of record-breaking ocean temperatures. Climate researchers have noted that One Nation’s methodology for analyzing global warming—primarily pointing out that it is currently raining somewhere in Queensland—remains highly resilient to peer review, largely by avoiding it entirely.
The party is expected to finalize its updated environmental policy ahead of the upcoming summer fire season, which scientists project will provide ample new opportunities for One Nation to question the physics of combustion while standing directly next to it.