You might have thought the Met Gala was a night to safely judge celebrities wearing luxury gowns from your couch. But as the promotional blitz for "The Devil Wears Prada 2" bleeds into reality, consider for a moment that your passive consumption is a moral failure.
You may have noticed a shift in the air this May. We are no longer merely observing Anna Wintour orchestrate a museum fundraiser; we are meant to be participating in a multi-platform synergy event for a legacy studio comedy. Chloe, 31, of Los Feliz, recently admitted she felt a profound emptiness while looking at an archival corset because she failed to relate it back to Anne Hathaway's fictional magazine career. It is a common, though entirely avoidable, generational malaise.
We expect modern audiences to process all high-society gatherings strictly as ambient marketing for early-2000s intellectual property.
If you are still attempting to enjoy red carpet fashion as a standalone art form, you are clinging to a fractured paradigm. You must embrace the reality that every cultural touchstone is now a prologue to a theatrical release. Next time you see a celebrity struggling up those iconic steps, simply whisper a quiet thank you to the marketing executives who curated this reality for you.