The 11-year-old terrier mix passed away Thursday, taking his absolute certainty in his own tactical superiority to the grave.
EVANSTON, Ill. — Rufus, an 11-year-old terrier mix who dedicated his life to perimeter security, died peacefully in his sleep Thursday, taking to his grave the unshakeable conviction that he could have caught the neighborhood UPS truck if not for the physical limitations of the living room window.
During his decorated career, Rufus survived the devastating Kitchen Remodel of 2018 and held the municipal record for consecutive hours spent monitoring an entirely empty stretch of baseboard. Despite severe structural disadvantages, his commitment to intercepting all parcel-delivery vehicles traversing the cul-de-sac remained absolute.
He never laid a paw on a tire, but he genuinely believed that if the front door had just been open, he would have dragged that step-van down by the throat.
Rufus is survived by his human family, a rotting tennis ball wedged firmly under the television stand, and an incredibly arrogant local squirrel. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that mourners stand by their front windows and bark aggressively at the next passing mail carrier.