The Akron resident succumbed to massive vascular failure after attempting to carry 14 plastic bags and a case of seltzer from the driveway at once.
AKRON, Ohio — Dave Barnes, 55, died Tuesday of massive vascular failure while attempting to carry a $280 grocery haul from his Honda CR-V to the kitchen in a single trip. Barnes, who survived a grueling 2019 master bathroom remodel and held his subdivision's record for keeping a temporary spare tire on a commuter sedan (41 months), collapsed on the threshold of his mudroom. Emergency responders found him still clutching 14 plastic bags, with a 24-pack of seltzer pinned firmly beneath his chin.
He knew the milk jugs were cutting off blood flow to his extremities, but going back out to the car a second time was simply against his religion.
Barnes is survived by his wife, two adult sons, and an unbroken 18-count carton of eggs he managed to gently lower to the linoleum before expiring. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that all household thermostats be permanently lowered by two degrees.