A local domestic shorthair was left reeling Tuesday afternoon after a sharp, wet noise originating from his own face jolted him from a deep slumber. The feline is reportedly still scanning the living room for the invisible assailant.
OAK PARK, IL — Plunged instantly from a state of deep REM sleep into pure, unadulterated panic, local domestic shorthair Barnaby was reportedly terrified Tuesday afternoon by the sudden, violent sound of his own sneeze.
Witnesses confirmed that the eight-pound tabby was entirely dead to the world on a sun-drenched corduroy armchair when a sharp expulsion of air erupted from his nasal cavity. The noise caused the feline to scramble violently for traction against the upholstery, launching himself three feet into the air. Upon landing on the hardwood floor, the visibly shaken cat spent several minutes with his pupils fully dilated, frantically scanning the perimeter for the loud, wet intruder that had dared to materialize directly adjacent to his whiskers.
He stared at the empty chair like it had just detonated a flashbang grenade, completely ignoring the fact that his own nose was still actively dripping.
Following the incident, the deeply unsettled cat reportedly retreated to the hallway threshold. At press time, Barnaby was engaged in a rigorous defensive grooming session, periodically pausing to glare back at the armchair to ensure the sneeze was not preparing a secondary ambush.