Standing at the helm of an aluminum pontoon boat currently blasting Jimmy Buffett, a local man used a megaphone on Tuesday to demand that two passing kayakers observe international maritime protocol.
The incident began at approximately 2:15 p.m. when Gary Miller, navigating his 2018 Sun Tracker Party Barge at four knots, spotted a rented recreational kayak crossing his bow. Witnesses confirmed that Miller cut the engine, sounded three short blasts on an airhorn, and loudly instructed the kayakers to acknowledge his starboard right-of-way under the International Regulations for Preventing Collisions at Sea. When the occupants of the plastic vessel continued paddling toward a nearby cove, Miller engaged his vessel’s public address system to cite specific navigational infractions.
According to neighboring boaters, the confrontation represents a broader escalation of Miller’s attempts to enforce deep-water naval discipline on a freshwater reservoir. Throughout the afternoon, the 54-year-old was seen consulting a laminated chart of maritime flags, successfully deploying the diver-down signal when his brother-in-law rolled off the swim deck, and attempting to establish radio contact on VHF Channel 16 with a teenager on a stand-up paddleboard.
These unpowered vessels operate with total disregard for the established navigational hierarchy, completely ignoring the basic principles of nautical tonnage and yielding protocol.
The kayakers, identified as two college sophomores consuming hard seltzers, reportedly waved politely at Miller’s demands before accidentally bumping against the side of his vessel’s outer pontoon. The minor contact prompted Miller to immediately declare a maritime casualty, shouting for the teenagers to cut their forward momentum and prepare to be boarded for a full hull inspection. He then spent several minutes demanding the kayakers produce their vessel’s registration documents and proof of seaworthiness.
At press time, Miller had temporarily suspended his patrol of the cove’s shipping lanes after his first mate informed him they were critically low on Tostitos Scoops.