The 18-foot backyard fixture succumbed to a massive sidewall blowout on Tuesday, obliterating an adjacent property's petunias.
Coleman Power Steel Above-Ground Pool, 4, of Akron, Ohio, died Tuesday evening after a catastrophic structural failure unleashed 5,000 gallons of heavily chlorinated vengeance upon the neighbor's carefully manicured flowerbeds.
Born in a local Walmart garden center in May 2022, the pool spent its brief but impactful life dominating a modest residential lawn. It survived two unpatched punctures, three consecutive seasons of green algae blooms, and a relentless 2023 assault by a golden retriever. During its prime, the pool held the neighborhood record for the most floating adhesive bandages sustained in a single Tuesday afternoon.
It never quite sat level on the grass, but when that vinyl finally gave out, it took out the exact bushes Greg has been passive-aggressively trimming over our property line since 2019. It died a hero.
The pool is survived by a rusted aluminum ladder, a half-empty bucket of shock treatments, and a permanent, lifeless circle of dead grass that will remain visible until the house is sold.