Reginald, an illicit resident of the Upper East Side who terrorized an elite pre-war co-op for three years, died Tuesday while violently confronting the dawn.
NEW YORK — Reginald, a contraband Rhode Island Red rooster who spent his life in the master bathroom of a 14th-floor Upper East Side co-op, died Tuesday of an aneurysm while screaming at the sunrise. He was 3.
Smuggled into the 10021 zip code inside a canvas tote bag, Reginald was best known for his fierce territorial defense of a marble soaking tub and for holding the building record for most consecutive noise complaints filed by the hedge fund manager in 13B. He maintained a rigorous daily schedule of attacking his own reflection in the vanity and demanding absolute submission from the household staff.
He didn't care about the zoning laws or the co-op board, he just wanted Manhattan to know it was 4:18 a.m. and that he was furious about it.
Reginald is survived by a half-empty bag of artisanal cracked corn, a traumatized flock of terrace pigeons, and 14 pending eviction notices he will now never have to answer. Services will be held privately in a cedar shoebox.