Hoping to spread a little morning positivity, a local man brought his Subaru Outback to a complete, unexpected halt Tuesday to graciously guide a pedestrian directly into the path of an oncoming Ozinga cement mixer. Witnesses report the driver appeared immensely satisfied with his own altruism.
Witnesses reported that Greg Lardner, 42, ignored his own green light at the intersection of Diversey and Lincoln, instead yielding his right-of-way out of a sudden, overwhelming urge to be helpful. Making direct eye contact with the woman waiting on the curb, he flashed a warm, encouraging smile and delivered a sweeping hand gesture, explicitly inviting her to step out in front of the 80,000-pound commercial vehicle approaching blindly in the adjacent right lane.
The pedestrian, 28-year-old Sarah Jenkins, told reporters she had a perfectly clear view of the heavy machinery barreling toward the crosswalk at 45 miles per hour. However, recognizing that Lardner had gone out of his way to halt a mile of rush-hour traffic behind him, she felt an intense societal obligation to break into an awkward, apologetic jog into the vehicle's path so as not to appear ungrateful.
When a motorist unexpectedly cedes their legal right-of-way to offer you the gift of immediate, catastrophic bodily harm, the unwritten rules of the road dictate that you hustle.
Experts note that Lardner's maneuver, known as the "wave of death," is a hallmark of drivers who prioritize feeling like a good person over adhering to municipal traffic codes. Security footage from a nearby storefront captured Lardner looking visibly annoyed for a brief fraction of a second when Jenkins hesitated, before softening his expression and waving with increased vigor to assure her the coast was clear.
As Jenkins accelerated into the path of the blaring air horn, Lardner reportedly took a satisfying sip from his Yeti travel mug, basking in the warm glow of his own civic magnanimity. Bystanders confirmed the motorist gave one final, neighborly nod of acknowledgment before smoothly pulling away, reportedly feeling a renewed sense of faith in humanity.