A veteran Des Moines weatherman struggled to mask his frustration during Thursday’s broadcast after weather models confirmed a weekend of mild temperatures and zero chance of catastrophic hail.
Viewers of KCCI’s evening news broadcast reported widespread discomfort Thursday as senior meteorologist Craig Lyster appeared visibly depressed while delivering a forecast of 72 degrees, low humidity, and abundant sunshine for the upcoming weekend. Slumping against his green screen and gesturing limply toward a graphic of an unclouded sun, Lyster reportedly sighed heavily before confirming that the high-pressure system parked over the Midwest would prevent any severe weather events, atmospheric rivers, or even mild afternoon thunderstorms from developing.
Station insiders confirmed that Lyster had spent the better part of Wednesday afternoon building a 14-slide interactive graphics package detailing the potential for golf-ball-sized hail and localized flash flooding, all of which had to be scrapped when the storm front stalled out over Nebraska. According to studio crew members, the veteran forecaster spent the minutes leading up to the broadcast pacing the weather center and desperately refreshing National Weather Service data in the hopes of finding a rogue mesocyclone to justify deploying the station’s newly purchased mobile storm-chasing SUV.
Craig was really looking forward to unbuttoning his collar, rolling up his storm sleeves, and standing out on the highway in sideways rain to yell at people about hydroplaning.
Forced to fill three and a half minutes of airtime with entirely pleasant meteorological data, Lyster attempted to generate tension by lingering on a slight uptick in the elm pollen count and warning viewers that a light southwesterly breeze could theoretically blow an unsecured napkin off a patio table. When evening co-anchor Diane Cho asked if Sunday would be a good day for a family hike, Lyster reportedly stared blankly into the camera for several seconds before muttering that people could do whatever they wanted.
The broadcast concluded with Lyster preemptively issuing a yellow "First Warning Weather Alert" for the following Thursday, citing a 15 percent chance of morning drizzle that he warned could rapidly evolve into a life-threatening squall line.