The undisputed workhorse of the kitchen stovetop succumbed to a sputtering short circuit on Tuesday evening.
OAK PARK, Ill. — The front right burner of a Kenmore electric range, which reliably boiled 90 percent of the household's pasta water, died Tuesday following a brief, sputtering short circuit. It was 12.
Installed during a 2012 appliance upgrade, the burner quickly became the unquestioned workhorse of the stovetop. While its colleagues in the back row were largely ignored and the front left burner suffered from chronic heat-regulation issues, the front right burner held the household record for searing meats. It survived a harrowing 2018 kitchen remodel and a devastating 2021 boil-over involving heavily salted potato water.
It was the only one of them that actually knew what 'medium-high' meant, and now we are stuck trying to fry eggs on the back left.
The burner is survived by the oven broiler, a mildly defective digital timer, and three pristine, entirely useless remaining burners. A private memorial service will involve staring blankly at the cold coil before ordering takeout.