Garage moth succumbs to blunt-force trauma convinced he could fix 60-watt porch bulb

Arthur, 4 weeks, a prominent local garage moth whose relentless pursuit of luminosity defined his generation, died Tuesday of thermal exhaustion and repeated blunt-force trauma following a prolonged, unrequited romance with a 60-watt Philips LED porch bulb.

Hatched in a damp box of artificial pine garlands, Arthur spent his brief but storied life testing the structural limits of a closed garage window. He held the neighborhood record for consecutive hours spent vibrating erratically against a single pane of glass, refusing to yield to the changing of the seasons or the sudden activation of an automatic garage door. Colleagues remembered him as a visionary who refused to settle for the dim comfort of the rafters.