Gordon Ramsay, 58, suffers fatal vascular event violently rejecting St. Peter's undercooked scallops

LONDON — Gordon Ramsay, 58, died Tuesday from a catastrophic vascular event sustained while violently rejecting a plate of undercooked scallops presented by St. Peter at the gates of Heaven. The Michelin-starred chef spent his life battling mediocrity, famously surviving 324 encounters with raw poultry and holding the European record for launching a ruined beef Wellington across a dining room. Theological experts confirmed his fatal transition was triggered by the rubbery texture of the holy bivalve.