The Michelin-starred chef and television host suffered a fatal event after encountering a rubbery celestial appetizer.
LONDON — Gordon Ramsay, 58, died Tuesday from a catastrophic vascular event sustained while violently rejecting a plate of undercooked scallops presented by St. Peter at the gates of Heaven. The Michelin-starred chef spent his life battling mediocrity, famously surviving 324 encounters with raw poultry and holding the European record for launching a ruined beef Wellington across a dining room. Theological experts confirmed his fatal transition was triggered by the rubbery texture of the holy bivalve.
We find immense comfort knowing that his final act was hurling heavenly seafood back through the pearly gates and calling the head seraph a donkey.
He is survived by his wife, Tana, six children, and an apologetic choir of angels currently crying in the walk-in fridge. Services will be held Friday; attendees are strictly forbidden from bringing store-bought puff pastry.