The beloved polyurethane garden fixture spent over a decade guarding a spare Schlage key beneath an azalea bush.
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Resin Hide-a-Key Rock, a steadfast polyurethane yard fixture who guarded the Miller family's emergency front door key for over a decade, died Tuesday after being inadvertently swept into a pile of identical river gravel. He was 14.
Born in a local home improvement center in 2010, Rock spent his entire life nestled faithfully beneath a dying azalea bush. He survived a patio remodel, two blizzards, and four instances of being stepped on by delivery drivers. He remained entirely devoted to his single task, resisting all attempts at detection and ultimately taking the spare Schlage house key with him into the abyss.
He looked so much like a real rock that when the landscapers came he just blended right in, and now we are completely locked out.
Rock is survived by a motion-sensor floodlight that stays on permanently, and a rusted shed padlock no one has the combination to. Services will be held privately once a locksmith arrives.