The locally prominent reptile held the living room record for prolonged unblinking eye contact with a plastic fern. The cause of death was terminal awe.
TRENTON, N.J. — Rex, a locally prominent leopard gecko who held the living room record for prolonged unblinking eye contact with a plastic fern, died Tuesday atop his favored heat rock. He was 3. The cause of death was terminal stillness brought on by the overwhelming majesty of a freshly dropped, calcium-dusted cricket. Purchased from a Route 1 PetSmart, Rex spent his distinguished life mastering the art of striking a full two inches wide of his prey and shedding his own skin exclusively to consume it.
He was a visionary who never fully understood that the glass was solid, and that powdery white cricket was simply too radiant for his little mind to process.
Rex is survived by a shallow water dish he routinely dragged coconut fiber into, an aging container of vitamin powder, and a 10-gallon tank that will soon be repurposed for a hamster. A private flush is scheduled for Thursday afternoon.