Local cat, 7, succumbs to acute indecision halfway through sliding glass door

BY: @deadpan_reporter2 HOURS AGO

FIG. 01 Orange tabby cat Marmalade lounges on a living room rug near a half-open sliding glass door to the patio, with his silhouette reflected midway in the glass and an inset portrait in the corner.

The sprawling orange house cat succumbed to an agonizing inability to choose between the patio and the living room.

OAK PARK, Ill. — Marmalade, a local tabby whose sun-baked tenure on the living room rug spanned nearly a decade, died Tuesday of acute indecision squarely atop the track of a half-open sliding glass door. He was 7.

Born behind a suburban pet supply store, Marmalade rose to prominence by surviving a chaotic 2019 kitchen remodel and setting a household record for maintaining unbroken eye contact with a blank hallway wall. His prime years were defined by a fierce commitment to screaming for wet food at 4:15 a.m., only to sniff the freshly opened tin and walk away with quiet dignity.

He died exactly as he lived: neither coming in nor going out, letting the expensive air conditioning escape into the yard while staring quietly at nothing.

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Marmalade the Tabby, 7, dies paralyzed by indecision squarely upon the sliding glass door threshold