Mr. Met dies at 62 under crushing weight of his own enormous head

QUEENS, N.Y. — Mr. Met, the beloved New York Mets mascot who entertained millions while silently enduring catastrophic spinal compression, died Tuesday at Citi Field. He was 62. Medical examiners confirmed the cause of death as sudden cervical collapse brought on by the sheer, inescapable weight of his own enormous baseball head. A fixture since 1962, he was celebrated for his permanently stitched smile and his remarkable ability to gesture enthusiastically at losing bullpens despite lacking a functional neck.

Colleagues recalled him as a consummate professional who never once broke character to complain about the immense fiberglass dome resting directly on his clavicle.