Punxsutawney Phil, 138, succumbs to six more weeks of seasonal depression

Punxsutawney Phil, the immortal Pennsylvania groundhog who faithfully predicted the duration of the North American winter, died Tuesday in his burrow from complications related to six more weeks of severe seasonal depression. He was 138.

Known for his stoic restraint when hoisted into the freezing air by an inner circle of men in top hats, Phil endured more than a century of February mornings without complaint. Despite a crippling vitamin D deficiency and a profound, recurring sense of dread triggered by his own shadow, colleagues noted he held the Gobbler's Knob record for consecutive forecasting shifts.