The prolific American author and lifelong Bangor resident passed away Tuesday after slipping into an inescapable, malevolent void roughly the size of Penobscot County.
Stephen King, the prolific American author whose novels defined modern horror, died Tuesday at 77 after becoming hopelessly trapped in a terrifying alternate dimension located entirely within the borders of Maine. Born in Portland and a lifelong resident of Bangor, King authored 65 novels and held the state record for the longest unbroken streak of wearing a denim work shirt to formal events. Following a near-fatal 1999 accident, King miraculously recovered to spend another 25 years bravely complaining about the Boston Red Sox bullpen.
Stephen had an unmatched ability to peer into the darkest abysses of the human soul, but he never once figured out how to switch the HDMI input on the living room television.
King is survived by his wife, three children, four grandchildren, and a sprawling, ancient evil that feeds on the town of Derry every 27 years. Services will be held Thursday in a cursed burial ground directly behind the Bangor PetSmart.