Following a minor vehicular dispute outside a local strip mall on Tuesday, a 34-year-old area woman reportedly projected a blistering, centuries-old psychic hex onto the driver of a silver Honda CR-V. Witnesses confirmed the woman remained perfectly still behind the wheel of her idling Subaru while channeling a focused beam of ancient malice directly into the base of the offending driver's skull.
At approximately 1:15 p.m. in the plaza parking lot, Sarah Jenkins successfully initiated a silent, blood-chilling incantation after a compact SUV darted into the space she had been signaling for. Store security footage shows Jenkins rigidly gripping her steering wheel, her eyes locked onto the back of the thief’s head as she telepathically condemned his crops to blight and his descendants to wander the earth without rest.
The offending driver, 42-year-old accountant Mark Gable, was observed exiting his vehicle and walking toward the entrance, blissfully oblivious to the invisible vortex of venom burrowing into his aura. Bystanders reported a sudden drop in ambient temperature and a faint, high-pitched ringing in the air as Gable paused to adjust his coat, momentarily shuddering under the weight of a thousand unspoken lifetimes of suffering.
The sheer force of the projected hex also caused minor disruptions in the immediate vicinity, with several nearby car alarms malfunctioning and a bag of groceries in a neighboring sedan spontaneously spoiling. Witnesses confirmed that Jenkins did not utter a single word during the two-minute psychic assault, relying entirely on a sustained, unblinking glare through her windshield to deliver the spiritual payload.
When a motorist is denied a space they clearly had their blinker on for, the resulting spike in localized telepathic hostility is enough to curdle the brake fluid of any vehicle in a fifty-foot radius.
The curse reportedly reached its apex inside the store when Gable selected a shopping cart with a severely jammed front wheel, a direct physical manifestation of the dark energies now binding his fate. Having successfully tethered the man’s soul to a lifetime of unending, low-grade misery, Jenkins put her vehicle in reverse, sighed heavily, and found a perfectly acceptable spot near the loading dock.