The midtown Toronto forager lived a life of relentless municipal defiance before passing in a state of pure, unadulterated triumph.
TORONTO — A local midtown raccoon, 4, died early Thursday after succumbing to the unimaginable bulk of an entire Styrofoam to-go container of discarded souvlaki.
Known informally to residents as "The Huge One," he lived a life defined by relentless innovation and municipal defiance. Over his four-year tenure in the alleyway, he successfully defeated three generations of supposedly raccoon-proof green bins and held the neighborhood record for hauling an intact pizza box up a vertical fire escape. Witnesses reported his final moments were spent in a state of pure, unadulterated triumph, before the sheer volume of expanded polystyrene and leftover garlic potatoes proved too taxing for his small, trembling heart.
He never knew when to walk away from a score, even when the container's hinges were completely fused with lamb grease.
He is survived by a vast, uncounted network of offspring residing under a nearby porch, and an ongoing structural dispute with animal control. A brief memorial will be held atop the overturned compost bin on Tuesday evening.