Forward momentum along the primary folding tables of the First United Methodist fellowship hall ground to a complete halt Sunday afternoon after congregants encountered a deeply suspicious, unidentifiable casserole.
Forward momentum along the primary folding tables of the First United Methodist fellowship hall ground to a complete halt Sunday afternoon after congregants encountered a deeply suspicious, unidentifiable casserole.
Eyewitnesses reported the bottleneck formed midway down the buffet line, just past the sliced ham, as attendees silently evaluated a rectangular Tupperware container. The dish, sweating under the fluorescent lights, appeared to consist of a dense, yellow-white emulsification suspending canned peas, shredded cheddar cheese, and an unknown gelatinous protein.
Standard procedure when encountering a rogue salad is to wait for a braver parishioner to make the first scoop so we can observe its structural integrity, but nobody was willing to take the point.
To avoid taking a portion while maintaining polite forward momentum, several churchgoers reportedly feigned sudden, intense interest in a neighboring platter of plain celery sticks. Others stood idle with tongs in hand, attempting to calculate whether a thin smear on the edge of a paper plate would fulfill the social contract of the potluck without risking accidental ingestion.
The gridlock was finally broken after twelve minutes when an unsupervised seven-year-old plunged a plastic serving spoon directly into the mass, releasing a distinct odor of warm tuna and authorizing the rest of the line to swiftly bypass the container entirely.