Fulfilling a customer's earnest plea to handle her heirloom glassware with care, a local postal clerk reportedly affixed a bright red "Fragile" sticker to the parcel via a thunderous, concussive blow on Tuesday.
The incident occurred at 10:45 a.m. when area resident Helen Garrity presented a taped cardboard box containing her grandmother's crystal water pitcher to the counter. According to witnesses in line, United States Postal Service clerk David Miller nodded sympathetically at Garrity's request for special handling, peeled a warning label from his dispenser, raised his arm, and brought his palm down on the package's top quadrant with the kinetic energy of a martial arts board-breaking demonstration.
Bystanders reported that the hollow, echoing thwack of Miller's hand making contact with the parcel caused several patrons to visibly flinch. A faint, high-pitched tinkling sound could reportedly be heard echoing from within the corrugated walls for several seconds after the impact.
We want to make absolutely sure the sorting machines and delivery drivers know to treat these items with the utmost delicacy.
Miller noted that a firm application is essential to ensure the adhesive fully bonds to the cardboard's surface, explaining that if a sticker were to fall off in transit, an item like Garrity's could easily be subjected to rough treatment.
At press time, Miller was seen sliding the newly designated fragile package across the counter before tossing it in a sweeping, high-arcing hook shot into a deep canvas hamper located seven feet behind his station, where it landed squarely beneath a 40-pound box of automotive parts.