The legendary German filmmaker succumbed to exposure after spending 48 hours captivated by the flashing red light of an expired municipal meter.
Werner Herzog, the visionary German filmmaker who chronicled humanity's doomed struggle against an uncaring universe, died Tuesday at the age of 82 after becoming utterly mesmerized by the bleak, mechanical indifference of a Burbank parking meter. Herzog, who survived a sniper's bullet and famously ate his own shoe, spent his final 48 hours standing motionless before the expired meter, reportedly captivated by the flashing red light that demanded payment from a void that could never be filled.
He always said the most terrifying force in nature wasn't the Amazon jungle, but a machine that charges you two dollars an hour to exist on a slab of concrete.
Herzog is survived by his wife, Lena, three children, and a 1998 Toyota Camry that will now be towed at the owner's expense. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that mourners simply walk into the woods and scream at a bird.