Following a prolonged legal battle to be formally acknowledged as the son of Belgium’s Prince Laurent, Clément Vandenkerckhove has secured the title of prince and a crushing mandate to contribute absolutely nothing to society.
BRUSSELS — The rain fell in a slow, indifferent mist over the zinc roofs of the Marolles district on Tuesday as Clément Vandenkerckhove, 26, quietly prepared himself for the bleak reality of his new legal status.
Following a prolonged court battle to be formally recognized as the son of Belgium’s Prince Laurent, Vandenkerckhove has been officially granted the title of prince, successfully securing a permanent, inescapable exemption from doing any actual work.
Palace officials confirmed that the newly minted royal will be entirely spared the burden of state dinners, diplomatic handshakes, and the ribbon-cutting ceremonies that violently consume the schedules of his legitimate relatives. Instead, the young man must now navigate the unstructured expanse of a life featuring all the immense social cachet of European nobility with zero accompanying expectations to be useful to the nation.
The court has been very clear that His Highness is strictly forbidden from being helpful in any official capacity.
Legal analysts noted the unprecedented severity of the settlement, which permanently bars Vandenkerckhove from waving at military parades from a balcony or pretending to care about the structural integrity of a new Flemish bridge. Sources close to the palace indicate the young prince has already begun canceling non-existent appointments to accommodate his total lack of a royal portfolio.
Sitting in a dimly lit cafe near the Palais de Justice, nursing a lukewarm espresso as the damp chill of the low countries seeped through the windows, the prince reportedly stared out at the cobblestones, burdened by the heavy knowledge that his calendar would remain perfectly blank forever.