A joint resolution passed by unanimous consent on Capitol Hill Thursday formally marked the passing of Pulitzer Prize-winning political cartoonist Pat Oliphant, praising the 90-year-old for at last concluding his relentless campaign to render their moral decay in india ink.
Lawmakers from both sides of the aisle issued statements of measured gratitude following news of Oliphant's death, noting that his permanent absence from daily syndication would provide much-needed relief to the executive and legislative branches. Sources close to leadership confirmed that a bipartisan working group had monitored the cartoonist’s health for years, anxiously awaiting an end to the six-decade barrage of mockery that spanned from the Johnson administration through to President Donald Trump.
Internal memos circulated among top aides on K Street celebrated the neutralization of the artist, whose signature grotesque caricatures were long classified by multiple administrations as a severe threat to their carefully manufactured optics. The immediate passage of the resolution—which quietly struck a provision that would have archived his Pulitzer-winning depictions of the Nixon administration as literal, hunched gargoyles—was considered a top legislative priority before the weekend recess.
The deceased weaponized cross-hatching to expose the fundamental absurdity of the executive branch, and we are issuing this statement to confirm the threat has at last been neutralized.
Following the floor vote, a senior aide confirmed the caucus is now actively pressuring Universal Press Syndicate to fill Oliphant's historic column inches with a heavily vetted, inoffensive comic strip about a talking dog who supports the current deficit.