Speaking at a global security conference in Prague, the former NATO general lamented that decades of bureaucracy have tragically eroded the continent's historic capacity for mass slaughter.
PRAGUE — Rain streaked the tall, arched windows of the Czernin Palace on Tuesday morning as European state officials gathered to discuss the deteriorating state of the transatlantic alliance. Inside the gilded hall, the air smelled faintly of stale coffee and damp wool overcoats as Czech President Petr Pavel took the rostrum to deliver a sobering assessment of the continent's martial lethargy.
The 80-year anomaly of European peace, Pavel warned delegates, is no longer the default situation. He expressed deep regret that decades of stringent safety protocols, public health initiatives, and labor laws have left Europe woefully unprepared to return to its traditional, centuries-long factory setting of unrelenting continental slaughter.
Pavel noted that the European Union's insistence on adhering to regulatory measures has severely delayed the bloc's ability to efficiently mass-produce artillery shells and plunge the hemisphere into a devastating winter of attrition.
Ukraine has demonstrated an unbelievable capacity to bypass administrative bottlenecks in their combat, a flexibility we in Europe have tragically lost to decades of environmental impact assessments and mandated paid time off.
Just as Pavel concluded his remarks, Russian foreign ministry spokesperson Maria Zakharova told reporters in Moscow that Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy was recklessly pursuing an escalation of the conflict. Zakharova noted that Russia’s continued, multi-year invasion of its neighbor had been conducted with the utmost respect for traditional bureaucratic norms, criticizing Kyiv for defending itself with an unsporting level of innovation.
Attendees in Prague nodded gravely at the urgency of the moment. Without swift legislative action to deregulate the wholesale destruction of infrastructure, delegates murmured, the continent risks falling behind on its historic quotas, before quietly adjourning for a catered lunch of braised pork and dumplings.