In an effort to streamline caucus dynamics, the Democratic National Committee has distributed a mandatory 14-page geopolitical disclaimer to all Jewish members of Congress. According to party officials, the standardized form must be read aloud before lawmakers are permitted to discuss domestic infrastructure, postal reform, or agricultural subsidies.
The new protocol, developed after months of internal friction, requires Jewish representatives to preemptively clarify their exact position on Middle Eastern border disputes before introducing routine domestic legislation. Sources familiar with the matter indicated that Rep. Dan Goldman was briefly censured on Tuesday after attempting to speak about bridge repairs in Brooklyn without first explicitly outlining a comprehensive two-state solution framework to the House Transportation Committee.
We simply cannot have members of our caucus talking about high-speed rail without first assuring their colleagues that they do not personally command the IDF.
Congressional aides noted that the mandatory disclaimers are expected to add approximately four hours to daily floor debates, though senior leadership views the delay as a necessary administrative safeguard. At press time, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer was reportedly sequestered in his office, consulting with the State Department to draft an acceptable statement on international law so he could safely authorize his staff to order lunch from a local deli.