Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard has formally revoked a 2023 assessment regarding "anomalous health incidents," instructing the nation's intelligence apparatus to reinstate its hunt for a covert, untraceable weapon capable of giving American diplomats mild nausea.
Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard issued a classified directive on Tuesday formally revoking a Biden-era intelligence assessment regarding Havana syndrome, ordering all 18 agencies of the U.S. intelligence community to resume operating under the assumption that foreign adversaries possess a silent, undetectable ray gun.
The swift reversal cancels a comprehensive 2023 National Intelligence Council report, which had concluded it was "very unlikely" that a hostile state actor was responsible for the wave of vertigo, fatigue, and ear-ringing reported by American spies and diplomats. Under the new guidance, analysts who previously attributed the symptoms to environmental factors, pre-existing conditions, or the lingering effects of a heavily catered embassy reception are now required to pivot their investigations toward highly advanced directed-energy capabilities.
According to a declassified summary of the memo circulated to agency heads, the intelligence community must immediately discard its prior findings and prioritize the identification of Russian or Chinese operatives armed with portable microwave emitters capable of penetrating embassy walls to cause acute lethargy before the morning briefing.
By dismissing the existence of a highly localized, untraceable microwave weapon that perfectly mimics the symptoms of a severe sinus infection, the previous administration left our forward-deployed officers vulnerable.
The revocation marks a sharp bureaucratic pivot for the CIA and other agencies, which had spent years and millions of dollars investigating the anomalous health incidents before concluding that the most likely culprits were crickets, poorly calibrated air conditioning units, and routine aging.
In a supplementary memo to the National Counterterrorism Center, Gabbard ordered all active field personnel to remain vigilant and immediately report any instances of sudden dizziness, unexplained fatigue, or the sensation of hearing a loud buzzing noise, particularly following long-haul flights or late-night diplomatic mixers in desirable European capitals.