U.S. officials distributed what was described as the text of the preliminary agreement in thin blue folders. The American president quickly praised the ensuing terrified silence as a unified show of global support.
FASANO, Italy — The morning mist had not yet burned off the Adriatic, and the espresso in the press pavilion tasted faintly of diesel exhaust, when President Donald Trump announced that the Western alliance was united in absolute adoration of a document they were currently trying to read.
Seated around a circular mahogany table, the leaders of the Group of Seven were handed thin, blue folders by a U.S. official. The official provided what was described to the press pool as the binding text of a preliminary agreement with Iran.
Before the heavy cardstock covers could be fully opened, Trump commended the gathering for their deep, immediate, and unquestioning love of its contents.
French President Emmanuel Macron traced the rim of his sparkling water glass, his eyes fixed on a paragraph near the bottom of page three. He did not blink. Beside him, British Prime Minister Keir Starmer pressed two fingers firmly against his translation earpiece, as if hoping for a sudden mechanical failure.
The text of the deal, distributed on standard U.S. government letterhead, contains several bullet points regarding uranium enrichment centrifuges, alongside a heavily underlined section concerning maritime hotel development in the Persian Gulf.
The President is thrilled that our European partners have embraced this diplomatic breakthrough with such quiet, breathless awe.
German Chancellor Friedrich Merz turned a page with the slow, deliberate care of a man defusing an unexploded munition. Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni stared out the window at the distant olive groves, her hands resting flat on the table.
Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney was observed gently folding his copy of the agreement in half, and then in half again, until it was small enough to slip inside his breast pocket.
The sky over the Mediterranean remained a flat, punishing white. A U.S. spokesperson indicated that the allies' unanimous, silent adoration would be formally recorded in the summit's closing communiqué before dinner.