Following a court ruling that redraws several key districts, the Virginia governor is reportedly searching for a constitutional argument to explain why competitive elections are a threat to the republic.
Following a federal court ruling that mandates the redrawing of several contested Virginia voting districts, Gov. Abigail Spanberger issued a measured directive instructing her legal counsel to immediately identify a non-partisan, universally beloved democratic norm that the new maps could be accused of violating.
Spanberger, who had initially expressed public skepticism about the push for new boundaries before acknowledging her vast political stake in their outcome, spent Tuesday morning reviewing focus-group-tested synonyms for partisan disadvantage. According to internal memos circulated among the governor’s senior staff, the administration is currently weighing whether to claim the mathematically proportional districts constitute a violation of the Voting Rights Act, or if they should simply argue that forcing incumbents to campaign is cruel and unusual punishment.
The Governor remains absolutely committed to the sacred constitutional principle that voters should choose their representatives, provided those representatives have already been pre-selected by a favorable algorithm.
Court filings indicate the administration plans to request an emergency stay to halt the implementation of the new maps, citing the severe, irreparable harm that would be caused by requiring sitting lawmakers to visit neighborhoods outside their established donor networks. A spokesperson for the governor declined to comment on whether the administration’s sudden pivot to defending the previous, heavily litigated maps was related to a proprietary state party model showing the new boundaries might result in a functioning two-party system.
The governor's office is expected to file its formal appeal by Friday, pending the successful drafting of a 40-page legal brief that translates "we will lose three seats in the House of Delegates" into the language of the Federalist Papers.