The exhausted public-sector radiologists whining about 'lower-quality' private reports completely miss the sheer economic elegance of paying a third party double the cost to do half the work.
I was enjoying a rather spectacular Dover sole at the Garrick Club last Tuesday with Julian, the managing director of a boutique outsourced diagnostic firm, when the topic of the National Health Service’s latest artificial “crisis” naturally arose. Apparently, there is widespread public sector hand-wringing over the record £241 million the NHS spent last year paying private companies to analyze MRI and CT scans.
The usual suspects—exhausted public hospital radiologists, union representatives, and people who insist on surviving treatable illnesses—are up in arms. They claim that this ballooning cost is the result of a short-sighted failure to train enough doctors, forcing hospitals to rely on what they rudely call “lower-quality” private scan reports. But as Julian patiently explained to me over a truly sublime Sancerre, the real problem is the NHS’s archaic, stubborn obsession with doing things itself.

We must ask ourselves a difficult question: why are we clinging to the nostalgic fantasy of a trained, on-site medical professional reviewing our internal organs? It is the twenty-first century. We outsource our food delivery, our transport, and our dog walking. Why should my potentially malignant lung nodule be entirely reliant on a salaried government employee when it could be synergized by a dynamic private equity portfolio company?
Critics are terribly fond of pointing out that these outsourced scan interpretations are sometimes rushed or imprecise. This, frankly, is the sort of perfectionist whining that holds Britain back. Yes, a private contractor reviewing your brain scan on a cracked iPad during their commute from Surrey might occasionally mistake a tumor for a smudge on the screen. But we must look at the bigger picture: that smudge generated vital shareholder value.
The NHS is trapped in a twentieth-century mindset where the primary goal of reading an MRI is identifying disease, rather than maximizing throughput.
The hospital radiologists claim they are simply “too busy and understaffed” to handle the diagnostic load themselves. One has to laugh. If they simply adopted the agile, disruptive workflows of the private sector—perhaps implementing a surge-pricing model for identifying internal bleeding, or gamifying the detection of appendicitis—they wouldn't be in this mess. Instead, they demand “training” and “adequate staffing levels,” two concepts that are fundamentally anti-growth.
Just last month, I had a preventative full-body MRI at a private clinic in Marylebone. The results were instantly beamed to a holding company in the Cayman Islands and interpreted by a proprietary algorithm overseen by a twenty-two-year-old independent contractor named Brayden. He gave my pancreas five stars. It was a seamless, frictionless customer journey. Why should the public sector be denied this level of innovation just because a few unionized doctors want to monopolize the reading of complex diagnostic imaging?
This £241 million is not a spiralling failure, as the doom-mongers in the medical establishment suggest. It is a triumph of modern delegation. By failing to train enough doctors for over a decade, successive ministers have masterfully created a lucrative gap in the market. This is exactly the sort of state-sponsored incubator for private enterprise that we should be celebrating.
I, for one, sleep much more soundly knowing that if I ever require a complex medical procedure, my images won't be hoarded by some dreary hospital basement department. They will be liberated into the free market, generating robust third-quarter dividends for people like Julian. And really, isn't that what healthcare is all about?