A man charged with the attempted murder of two Jewish men in Golders Green is now facing a third charge regarding an acquaintance in a different borough. The geographic spread of the alleged violence has left British court administrators exhausted by the logistical overhead.
LONDON — Rain slid down the reinforced glass of Westminster Magistrates’ Court, blurring the neon sign of the Pret A Manger across the street. Inside, the Crown Prosecution Service grappled with a profound logistical nightmare: a violent suspect who completely failed to consolidate his alleged attempted murders into a single postal district.
The man, already facing charges for the targeted stabbing of two Jewish men in Golders Green, was presented with a third attempted murder charge today after attacking an acquaintance entirely elsewhere in the city. The introduction of a non-contiguous crime scene severely disrupted the morning docket. Magistrates, accustomed to localized offenses that fit neatly into a single manila folder, were forced to requisition supplemental archiving supplies. Court clerks could be seen drinking lukewarm Nescafé, visibly strained by the suspect's flagrant disregard for zoning efficiency.
We simply ask that if one is going to embark on a grievous rampage, one keeps it within a manageable transit radius for the local constabulary.