Representative Mike Collins and former football coach Derek Dooley have advanced to a June 16 Senate runoff, triggering a legally mandated period in which both Republican campaigns must blanket the state with advertisements accusing their opponent of deep-state collaboration.
ATLANTA — Confirming the results of Tuesday's primary, the Georgia Secretary of State's office officially advanced Representative Mike Collins and former University of Georgia football coach Derek Dooley to a June 16 runoff, initiating a statutorily required four-week period during which both men will spend millions of dollars attempting to link the other to a global Marxist cabal.
The runoff, necessitated after neither candidate secured an outright majority, forces both campaigns to rapidly pivot from their standard conservative platforms to fabricating elaborate, highly produced evidence that their opponent has secretly harbored a lifelong hatred for the American way of life. According to Federal Election Commission filings, the two campaigns have already reserved a combined $8.2 million in broadcast airtime to assert that their respective rival personally orchestrated the indictments against former President Donald Trump.
Our internal polling indicates that Republican primary voters are not yet fully convinced that Mr. Dooley is a covert operative for the Chinese Communist Party, which means we have a significant amount of standard voter-education work to do before June 16.
Dooley's campaign quickly retaliated on Thursday morning, issuing a press release that formally requested the Georgia Bureau of Investigation look into whether Representative Collins's trucking company was being used to transport undocumented immigrants to antifa training camps—a routine procedural maneuver typically filed by trailing campaigns in the final weeks of a tight Southern primary.
Representatives for Senator Jon Ossoff, the popular Democratic incumbent who will face the eventual nominee in November, declined to comment on the runoff, noting in a brief email that the National Republican Senatorial Committee was currently doing a far more efficient job of rendering both candidates permanently radioactive to suburban swing voters than the Democratic Party could ever afford to do on its own.