The U.S. State Department has successfully eliminated dozens of international flags from its main atrium, replacing them with a uniform red, white, and blue display to protect American diplomats from having to think about the rest of the world. Internal memos confirm the renovation is designed to foster a more productive work environment by shielding foreign-service officers from the distressing reality of other nations.
According to a directive circulated among senior staff, the removal of the traditional multi-nation display is intended to streamline U.S. foreign policy by physically erasing the 190-plus sovereign states that complicate the department’s daily operations. The new installation, which features only the American flag repeated dozens of times across the ceiling, was championed by administration officials who argued in closed-door meetings that visual reminders of international borders were actively undermining morale in the Harry S. Truman Building.
For decades, our diplomats have had to walk into work and be immediately confronted by the existence of France, Botswana, and Japan before they even had their morning coffee. By replacing those distractions with an unbroken canopy of stars and stripes, we ensure our envoys can focus entirely on America without the exhausting burden of acknowledging anyone else.
Internal scheduling documents show that the department’s transition away from acknowledging the global community is already paying dividends, with several regional bureaus successfully reallocating hours previously spent learning the geopolitical nuances of allied nations toward drafting strongly worded ultimatums to nobody in particular. A spokesperson for the Bureau of European and Eurasian Affairs confirmed on background that staff productivity has spiked since the continent was officially reclassified as a partisan talking point.
The sweeping aesthetic overhaul is reportedly just the first phase of a broader internal modernization effort at the agency, which includes a pending request for proposals to systematically redact the word "abroad" from all classified briefings and replace the department's remaining lobby globes with solid brass spheres.