The US meteorological agency confirmed the warming Pacific currents will take over primary responsibility for global devastation through the end of the year.
LIMA — The wind off the Pacific Ocean carries the distinct smell of warm diesel and dying anchovies. It is a quiet, breathless morning in the port of Callao. Mateo Flores, a 54-year-old purse seiner captain, sits on an overturned yellow plastic crate, drinking a lukewarm Inca Kola and waiting for the water to boil.
On Thursday, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration issued its formal El Nino advisory from their offices in Maryland, confirming that the cyclical weather pattern has officially arrived to help standard climate change manage its heavy workload.
For years, anthropogenic global warming has single-handedly borne the daily administrative burden of intensifying floods, droughts, and heat waves. The arrival of El Nino, meteorological experts note, will provide much-needed operational relief to a climate system stretched dangerously thin by the relentless demands of ruining the biosphere.
According to NOAA models, the partnership will require some logistical compromises. To make room for unprecedented spikes in global surface temperatures, El Nino will temporarily suppress Atlantic hurricane formation. This shift will give coastal communities a rare opportunity to burn to death in a record-breaking heat dome rather than drown in a storm surge.
Climate change has been handling the intensification of global floods and heat waves entirely on its own since the industrial revolution, which is just not sustainable.
Thorne added that the agency is relieved to see the two systems collaborating so seamlessly to worsen coastal flooding in the Americas while simultaneously baking the Asian subcontinent into a dry husk.
Down on the docks in Callao, Flores is not surprised by the forecast. He wipes a smear of grease from his canvas trousers and points out toward the horizon, where the water is already noticeably warmer. He knows the storms will come, the fish will leave, and the international community will once again convene a very serious conference in a European capital to discuss the matter over excellent canapés.