Following a stern warning from the White House, Iranian officials admit they are severely backlogged on disregarding American ultimatums.
TEHRAN — The morning air in the capital smells faintly of diesel and roasting pistachios, a persistent haze settling over the foothills of the Alborz mountains as municipal workers sweep the sidewalks.
Inside the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, however, diplomats are facing a severe administrative bottleneck. Following President Trump's sudden declaration that the "clock is ticking" for Iran to accept his terms on its nuclear program, officials here have petitioned Washington for a 30-day extension so they can finish properly ignoring his previous set of demands.
The sheer volume of existential threats issued by the White House has reportedly placed a massive strain on the clerical staff tasked with not paying attention to them. Foreign ministry attachés noted they are currently three weeks behind on filing away "red lines" and have yet to fully disregard a series of "unprecedented consequences" issued via social media last month.
We appreciate the urgency of the President's imaginary timepiece, but we must process these threats in the order they were received.
To ease the burden, the ministry has begun delegating the daily rebuffing of American demands to junior staff, who have been instructed to leave the metaphorical ticking clock in the metaphorical waiting room until a senior minister is available to not look at it.
Outside the ministry, the rhythm of the city continues entirely undisturbed. At a café off Valiasr Street, a group of university students sipped dark tea and smoked apple shisha, discussing their weekend plans while a television above the counter broadcast another American promise of their imminent obliteration on mute.