President Trump has formally requested the construction of a permanent, paved helipad on the White House grounds, according to internal planning documents, in an effort to spare Marine One the indignity of landing on nature.
WASHINGTON — President Trump has formally requested the construction of a permanent, paved helipad on the White House grounds, according to internal planning documents, in an effort to spare Marine One the indignity of landing on the historic South Lawn grass.
The proposal, which would require the National Park Service to tear up landscaping originally designed in the 19th century, seeks to modernize the executive residence by replacing the highly flammable foliage with a high-yield concrete tarmac. According to a preliminary review drafted by the Office of Management and Budget, the administration argues that the 20,000-pound Sikorsky VH-3D Sea King helicopters regularly leave unsightly scorch marks on the turf, creating a visual nuisance for the executive branch that can only be remedied by wholesale paving.
Internal administration memos obtained by reporters indicate the president has frequently expressed frustration with the post-flight walk across the scorched turf. During a closed-door cabinet meeting last Tuesday, Trump reportedly described the scent of burning chlorophyll as unbefitting a world leader, directing staff to explore options for fully sealing the historic grounds under a layer of industrial-grade asphalt.
The current protocol forces the commander-in-chief to step directly onto organic matter that has just been blasted by jet exhaust, which presents a completely unacceptable aesthetic for the leader of the free world.
The proposed installation would span a 50-by-50 foot perimeter, complete with heavy-duty drainage systems, reinforced rebar, and gold-leaf painted H-markers visible from commercial airspace. Aides familiar with the president's thinking noted that the permanent installation would also eliminate the 40-yard walk across the lawn, a distance the president has repeatedly described in national security briefings as a grueling and unnecessary commute that exposes him to wind.
The National Park Service, bound by federal preservation statutes, has filed a mandatory environmental impact assessment regarding the pavement project. The 400-page agency report notes that the concrete slab will permanently sever the root systems of several historic Eisenhower-era oak trees, drastically increase local watershed runoff, and provide the president with a pristine, leveled surface to practice his golf drives toward the Washington Monument.