Following a closed-door meeting with the 26th president's interactive light array, the commander-in-chief confirmed he had successfully secured an absolute pledge of support from the historical projection.
Speaking from a podium in the North Dakota badlands on Wednesday, President Donald Trump confirmed to the traveling press pool that he had successfully secured a total loyalty pledge from a $450 million laser projection of Theodore Roosevelt. The declaration came at the climax of a lavish library dedication ceremony in Medora, during which the current commander-in-chief opted to hold a bilateral meeting with the 19th-century conservationist’s photon matrix.
The president felt it was vital to brief the former governor's light array on our current swing-state internals before moving forward with the 250th anniversary agenda.
According to partial transcripts released by the executive branch, the diplomatic exchange consisted largely of Trump presenting the pre-programmed historical display with physical printouts of recent electoral maps. Administration officials emphasized that the president interpreted the hologram’s looping 1912 audio track regarding the expansion of the National Park System as a full-throated endorsement of his ongoing domestic retribution campaign.
The Theodore Roosevelt Presidential Library Foundation later issued a formal clarification to Capitol Hill, stressing that the cutting-edge interactive exhibit is technologically incapable of serving as acting Attorney General. Nevertheless, sources close to leadership confirmed that the administration considers the "great he-man" projection a more reliable political ally than several sitting Republican senators, primarily citing the museum installation's commendable refusal to ever issue a dissenting press release.
The dedication concluded with the administration’s traveling apparatus departing on a customized red, white, and blue locomotive, as the Village People’s "YMCA" echoed across a remote conservation area populated by wild horses, bighorn sheep, and an advance team actively measuring the $450 million light installation for a suit.