Following a deadly outbreak, a global coalition of foreign ministries has successfully completed a massive logistical operation to ensure their citizens remain safely and securely away from their home countries forever.
MARSEILLE — The mistral wind carries the sharp scent of iodine, marine diesel, and industrial-grade bleach across the Vieux Port. At a waterfront café, a half-empty glass of pastis catches the morning light, left behind by a port authority official who has spent the past three days drawing increasingly wide exclusion zones on a nautical chart.
Just beyond the breakwater, the Oceanic Serenade sits at anchor, a floating monument to complex international logistics.
Following an outbreak of hantavirus that claimed three lives aboard the luxury vessel, nearly two dozen countries have concluded their exhaustive, week-long repatriation efforts. Their solution has been hailed as a triumph of modern diplomatic consensus: the unanimous, permanent abandonment of their own citizens to the open sea.
The joint operation, coordinated by a coalition of European, Asian, and North American foreign ministries, successfully ensures that all 2,400 passengers will remain perfectly safe, comfortably accommodated, and entirely outside the territorial jurisdiction of their respective homelands.
The primary goal of any consular mission is to ensure the safe, orderly, and absolute physical distance of our citizens from our mainland.
Throughout the morning, military transport helicopters from fourteen different nations could be seen hovering over the ship’s lido deck. Rather than extracting passengers, the aircraft meticulously dropped pallets of canned peaches, fresh linens, and elegantly embossed letters from various heads of state wishing the newly minted maritime nomads well in their future aquatic endeavors.
Aboard the vessel, passengers holding passports from 24 different nations have reportedly begun establishing a rudimentary government based around the ship's remaining supply of hand sanitizer and casino chips. Communications with the mainland have been graciously severed by telecom providers to spare the passengers the stress of hearing land-based news.
The United States State Department has already updated its travel advisories, formally reclassifying the vessel’s aft dining room as an autonomous, high-risk nation-state.
By nightfall, the ship’s anchor will be quietly raised by a remote-controlled tugboat. Under the cover of darkness, the international community will gently tow the Oceanic Serenade into the deep currents of the Mediterranean, fulfilling their solemn obligation to keep their citizens out of sight.