President Donald Trump and Iranian diplomats celebrated a diplomatic breakthrough Thursday by signing a highly classified document ensuring neither side knows what they actually agreed to.
MUSCAT, Oman — The condensation on a pitcher of iced lemon water pooled onto the mahogany table as the American and Iranian delegations smiled for the cameras. Outside, the midday Gulf heat baked the pavement.
Inside, history was being postponed.
President Donald Trump and Iranian negotiators signed a preliminary agreement Thursday morning that was widely expected to reopen the Strait of Hormuz. Instead, the delegations formalized a historic pact to ensure neither side knows what they just agreed to.
The breakthrough allows both nations to claim a massive geopolitical victory while safely avoiding the friction of discussing maritime law, military de-escalation, or whether commercial shipping vessels can traverse the world's most vital oil chokepoint without catching fire.
All actual disagreements regarding the waterway have been successfully pushed to a subsequent round of talks.
We have reached a profound understanding that actually resolving the crisis would only lead to further arguments, which is why the exact terms of our success must remain classified.
By keeping the stipulations entirely secret, negotiators have brilliantly bypassed the traditional hurdle of mutual disagreement. Iranian officials can assure Tehran they humiliated the Americans, while Trump can inform Washington he has single-handedly conquered the Middle East.
The actual fate of the Strait of Hormuz will be decided at a later date, currently scheduled for whenever the international community completely forgets this initial signing ceremony took place.
The delegations shook hands, closed their leather briefcases, and stepped back out into the blistering heat, leaving the empty water pitcher behind.