4,000-hour Nature study concludes moose unlikely to do anything cool

Following an unprecedented longitudinal observation period in the Canadian boreal forest, scientists published results in Nature today confirming that a 1,200-pound bull moose is not going to do anything visually or scientifically interesting. The exhaustive surveillance yielded terabytes of data indicating the animal will mostly just stand near some wet shrubs and breathe.

The international team, equipped with high-speed telephoto lenses, thermal imaging, and LiDAR arrays, established a camouflaged blind in Alberta’s Jasper National Park last September. A primary hypothesis—that the subject, designated Alces alces-7, would eventually rear up on its hind legs, battle a rival bull in a dramatic display of dominance, or charge through a misty river crossing—was systematically dismantled over 4,000 hours of continuous monitoring.

According to the published paper, the moose spent 87 percent of the six-month window chewing on willow bark while staring blankly at a middle distance. A secondary physiological action, which scientists initially categorized as a precursor to a majestic, echoing mating call, was definitively identified as a prolonged, localized muscle twitch to dislodge a horsefly.