A new paper in Nature has quantified the precise mechanism of localized suffering emanating from a Middle Kingdom artifact, an object the British Museum desperately hates but maintains it cannot legally repatriate.
The findings, published Tuesday, trace a continuous field of probabilistic anomalies radiating exactly 12 meters from the obsidian scarab. By measuring fluctuations in ambient room temperature, ultraviolet light exposure, and the sudden manifestation of biting flies inside the archival vaults, researchers were able to confirm the hypothesis that the amulet is actively ruining the lives of everyone in the curation department.
The sheer sustained output of malice is breathtaking. The model suggests the artifact utilizes an unknown mechanism to draw thermal energy from the surrounding gallery and convert it directly into relentless, targeted dread.
The thermodynamic efficiency with which this object generates pure, uninterrupted grief is an absolute marvel of ancient engineering, and we wish it would leave us alone forever.
Independent experts, however, cautioned against attributing the entire scope of the staff's misery to the artifact. Dr. Julian Costa, a materials physicist at University College London not involved in the study, noted that while the sample size of weeping blood manifestations on the glass cases is robust, further replication is needed to rule out standard institutional malaise before declaring the curse the sole factor.
Despite peer-reviewed evidence of the artifact's hostility, museum trustees cited the British Museum Act of 1963, which strictly prohibits the deaccessioning of any object in the collection. A preprint of a follow-up study indicates the amulet has already learned to read the human resources roster, though researchers say it will remain on permanent display in Room 64 until Parliament intervenes.