Space agency officials confirmed Tuesday that a recurring transmission glitch is being caused by a luminous, 11th-dimensional being knocking on the observatory's primary mirror. The entity has been repeatedly denied access to the secure internal network.
Mission control at the Space Telescope Science Institute traced the anomalous telemetry from Lagrange Point 2 to a shape-shifting presence floating directly in front of the telescope's sunshield. According to infrared imaging, the entity has spent the past three weeks tapping politely but firmly on the gold-plated beryllium lenses while transmitting a series of radio pulses that translate directly to requests for the Wi-Fi password.
Rather than initiating first contact on behalf of humanity, NASA’s IT department has instead treated the civilization-altering encounter as an unauthorized device attempting to bypass a captive portal. System administrators noted that the entity is stubbornly attempting to connect to "NASA-Secure," a network strictly reserved for agency hardware and badged federal employees.
We've transmitted the instructions for the guest network in twelve different mathematical languages, but it keeps ignoring the terms of service and asking if we can just text it the admin password.
The ongoing knocking has caused minor micro-vibrations across the $10 billion telescope's optics, delaying scheduled observations of distant exoplanets. Telemetry suggests the being is currently trying to stream something in 4K, drastically eating into the deep space network's bandwidth.
Technicians stated they have no plans to grant the entity secure access, noting that exceptions cannot be made for external contractors, regardless of whether they exist outside of linear time. The agency added that if the entity continues to loiter around the observatory without submitting a formal help desk ticket, they will simply hide the SSID.