PHILADELPHIA — Hailing the 25-year-old guard as the cornerstone of their off-season revamp, the Philadelphia 76ers announced Tuesday they have successfully secured Anfernee Simons on a two-year, $12.3 million deal to ensure the franchise safely loses the Eastern Conference Semifinals in six games.
President of Basketball Operations Daryl Morey noted that the front office had been aggressively scouting for a cost-effective perimeter threat who possesses the intangibles necessary to sit quietly on the wing while the team's max-contract superstars systematically dismantle the offense every May. The front office believes Simons's volume shooting will be an invaluable asset in taking the blame for the organization's overarching structural failures.
Anfernee is a tremendous system fit who will provide essential shot creation right up until the moment we panic and abandon all our offensive principles during a crucial Game 5.
The $12.3 million agreement includes a player option for the second season, a standard collective bargaining mechanism that Simons's representation reportedly mandated so the guard could legally flee the franchise without penalty once the locker room turns openly hostile by mid-February. From an ownership perspective, the mid-level cap figure safely keeps the team beneath the punitive second luxury tax apron, a critical victory that ensures the franchise's billionaire holding company remains highly profitable throughout its impending, nationally televised postseason collapse.
Head coach Nick Nurse is expected to heavily utilize the new guard in early-season rotations, explicitly drawing up plays designed to artificially inflate Simons's trade value before the February deadline.
Following the introductory press conference, Simons was scheduled to tour the team's primary practice facility before being officially handed off to the orthopedic medical staff he will likely be spending the next eight months living with.